A Mother

I don’t know if this is the best place to say this, but I guess I feel like I need to express it SOMEWHERE, and I would feel awkward bringing it up randomly in conversation, so here goes!

Over the last couple of years, my Mum has become a wonderful friend to me, something which I’ve found wonderful. We get to just chat really easily about plenty of stuff, and I know I can tell her pretty much anything (and I do).

But it has some big drawbacks. We’ve become more like peers than ancestors. Often when I’m feeling down, I really just want somebody to look after me and tell me everything will be okay. Somebody to help give me the strength to be optimistic and sort through everything. I guess I just miss having a proper mother figure to fall back on when the shit hits the fan…

So, yeah. That’s that.

The Longnecks (The Living End), Karova Lounge, 8-2-08

I went with Nick and Daniel to see The Longnecks (a.k.a. The Living End) at the Karova Lounge last night. I’d never been to Karova before, but it was pretty cool! Kinda reminded me of The Annandale, but smaller and a bit of a different layout. Anyway, Nick and I didn’t want to write separate reviews, to we decided to do a collaborative one. The laziest way to achieve this was just a MSN conversation, so that’s what we did. Here’s the resulting review:

Nick says:

Hi James

James says:

Hey

Nick says:

I am trying to find an example of a conversational review but my internet speed has been capped and it’s taking ages.

James says:

Haha

James says:

We can’t just wing it?

Nick says:

Okay

Nick says:

Let’s do that

Nick says:

Since you (surprisingly) have never been to Karova did you think it was a good venue?

James says:

Yeah, it was cool. A bit stuffy, but you get that. And people in Ballarat seem to be taller than Sydney people

Nick says:

Yeah I kept considering going outside for a bit but thought they might play a good song while I was gone.

People in Ballarat are also really annoying.

James says:

Yeah, I had to leave in the end… shame it was during the encore

Haha, why are they annoying?

Nick says:

They are loud and stupid and get kicked out by bouncers. Although the kicking people out part was funny.

James says:

Yeah, it was. I can’t believe the bouncer literally threw that guy out, I didn’t think he was THAT bad.

Nick says:

I can’t believe I didn’t see the actual throwing; I’m a bit annoyed about that. Although I was sort of expecting a crowd like that a band like The Longnecks (Living End).

What did you think of the set?

James says:

Um, well obviously I didn’t recognise any of the songs until the encore, as they were all new ones.

I found it pretty enjoyable, though. Some songs were a lot better than others.

Nick says:

Yeah, playing a set of entirely new songs was a bit boring. They really should have played a couple of older songs in between new ones. A few of the new songs had glimpes of greatness but overall I thought they were a bit too samey, I like the 6 minute ‘metal’ song though.

James says:

Yeah, that was cool.

At least they did play some older songs at the end, but you’re right, I think it would’ve been better if they’d mixed them up a bit.

Nick says:

Yeah, What’s On Your Radio at the end was really cool. The guitar solo in it is mental. In fact there were a lot of cool guitar solos all night, but the encore was probably more exciting then the entire rest of the set.

James says:

Yeah, I guess the crowd is a lot more enthusiastic with songs they know and love, which makes a big difference

I was a bit surprised by ‘Waltzing Matilda’ in the encore, but it really got the crowd singing along.

Nick says:

Yeah that was funny. I think I would have left feeling a bit bitter afterwards but luckily the encore was good. Overall it was an alright gig but not particularly great.

Nick says:

Oh and I forgot that the first three songs sounded sooo much like Green Day.

James says:

Yes, they so did! In fact, maybe even more than just the first three songs. I kept thinking that the lead singer reminded me of Billie-Joe or whoever he is (sorry Living End fans).

Post-Day Driving

Also known as night driving, but what kind of title is that?

One of the things I always look forward to when coming back to Ballarat is having access to cars to drive. One of the things I do most when coming back to Ballarat is driving at night. Back before I moved to Sydney, going for drives at night used to be one of the things that kept me sane, and I’d often go out after a big night of studying, or if something was really getting to me, just to chill out. And it worked. Very well.

But I think it can only be used to rectify certain situations, and most of the time when I come back, it doesn’t do much at all, and I’m often left feeling a bit empty and disappointed. Maybe it’s that I don’t have the sort of things to worry about now as I did a year ago, I’m not sure. But I’m thinking I should probably give up on it, at least to a certain extent, as I hate to look at the price of petrol these days (I fill up the token $20 or so every now and then, but my parents shoulder most of the cost).

Also, I seem to just get back into old, long-gone patterns that probably aren’t good for me. I follow the same old routes, staring at the same old things. Maybe that’s why it’s not so fulfilling nowadays – I don’t have the same feelings attached to places and things in Ballarat as I used to.

Another thing I don’t like about driving these days is that I’m constantly scared that the car is going to get stolen. Ballarat is full of westies and bogans, all just hanging out to get their hands on something like my brother Cal’s panel van (which is what I usually end up diving). This fear seemed to manifest itself yesterday evening, when I left it unlocked, with the window down and the keys still in the slot in the Coles carpark in SEBASTOPOL (worst place to leave a car besides Wendouree West). By the time I realised, I was a couple of blocks away, driving Elaine’s car in the other direction. I’m pretty sure that was the first time she’s ever heard me swear (she mentioned it afterwards), and I did a speedy u-turn over double lines. All the way back I was feverishly searching for a panel van heading in the opposite direction, but thankfully it was still just the way I’d left it, and I could breathe a large sigh of relief. Won’t be doing that again. Smitty found it funny, though!

P.S. Nando’s in Ultimo (where I live) got blown up in the wee hours of this morning. It also got robbed the night before. It’s about a block and a half away from my apartment (and on the same street). I got there pretty often. I could’ve been robbed! But thankfully not blown up, as the chances of me being there past 1am are rather slim.

My Future Girlfriend (By My Ex-Girlfriend)

Elaine and I have, for some reason, been talking about who I should end up with, considering she seems to have a pretty good grasp on who is and isn’t going to work for me. Instead of coming up with some complicated list of qualities for this person to have, she kept it nice and simple:

“Someone fun to make you laugh smart to challenge your mind lovely and caring a best friend”

I really, really wanted to add some punctuation to this, but fankly I just didn’t know where to start. But ignoring the horrible English, I think this is a pretty cool way to put it. I mean, there’s a lot more to a relationship that works, I think, but that’s got the basics down pat. Oh, and she added this in a later message:

“Oh and she’s not a blonde”

I think Elaine might just have something against blondes, but who would know. Maybe she’s completely right.

I plan to just keep on seeing what happens, and taking things as they come, but… Damn. Elaine has correctly predicted all my relationships and almost-relationships and crushes perfectly so far (except for our own, of course). It’s quite scary. Maybe I should just listen to her before I go into something, for a change? :p

Soundtrack To My Life (Draft)

Lizzie wrote an interesting couple of posts recently, trying to answer the question “if your life was a movie, which five songs would be the soundtrack?”. I decided to give it a shot, and, lo and behold, I can’t yet narrow it down to just five. So, until I think about it more, here’s ten songs that would make up the soundtrack to my life (in alphabetical order):

- Belle and Sebastian – I’m A Cuckoo
I’d be surprised if anybody found this choice unexpected. It was my favourite song for quite some time! It’s got a brilliant, danceable tune (trust me, I’ve actually danced down Broadway in the rain to it, which was quite exhilarating!), but the lyrics have plenty of (darker) meaning. An all-round fantastic song, although I have doubts as to whether it’ll make it to the top five.

- Belle and Sebastian – I’m Waking Up To Us
For being the best breakup song imaginable (in my opinion, anyway). It’s probably the only time I’ve heard Stuart Murdoch sound pissed off, and it really comes out. But as with any real breakup, there’s plenty of other feelings besides anger. I especially love at the end, when the “pity turns to pity and to love”. Anger is just a front for other things, I guess?

- Ben Lee – Ache For You
Just a brilliant song about being in love with somebody who, well, you aren’t with. Aching, and being completely confused. Always reminds me of Imogen… Haha.

- Pete Murray – Fly With You
Not sure if this played a big enough role in my life to make the top five, but we’ll see. Lovely song, regardless. Pretty much how I feel/felt about Train Girl. Which was pretty darned big at the time. Heh.

- Peter Bjorn and John – Up Against The Wall
For quite a while, I never listened to the lyrics of this enough to work out if the ‘up against the wall’ part was good or bad. It’s bad. The lyrics are wonderful, especially the middle verse, but it’s really the music that does it for me. This is absolutely the best song to walk to. No doubt about it. I just love the beats! It’s got a lot of instrumental stuff in between the verses, and especially at the end, but, unusually, I’d be happy to go on infinitely longer.

- The Postal Service – Sleeping In
I guess it’s the strange dream where everything is exactly how it seems that I really love about this song. I mean, wouldn’t it be wonderful if it was? Admittedly, things being not as they seem can be rather exciting, but… No lies, no deceptions, no corruption. Mmm. As for the second verse, I don’t know whether Ben Gibbard is being serious, or poking fun at climate-change skeptics, but I’d like to think it was the former.

- The Postal Service – Brand New Colony
I’ll give you a tip now – this song will be in the top five. No doubt about it. I would almost say it’s the perfect song, but I figure I’d better not. At the time of writing, this song is equal first for top tracks (alongside Such Great Heights, which almost made this list), and for good reason. Idealism ftw!

- Sarah Blasko – Perfect Now
This song contains one of my favourite lines ever – “I can’t find forever in your eyes / I should leave you while they’re dry”. I guess I can relate. It’s not that there’s anything explicitly wrong, but there’s just not a lot right, either, and there’s no way you want to be there forever. (Sorry to bring this up now…).

- The Shins – Gone For Good
Weird, this is another song that took me a long time to fully grasp the meaning of. Sitting on the fence, not being able to decide whether you want to be in a relationship or not, and then finally biting the bullet and being honest. No point in going on. Also, what could beat “I find a fatal flaw / In the logic of love / And go out of my head”?

- Wilco – I Am Trying To Break Your Heart
I always loved this song for it’s opening line – “I am an American aquarium drinker / I assassin down the avenue” – but there’s so much more to it than that. So many fantastic combinations of words, so much hidden meaning. One of the phrases that stands out for me nowadays is “I wanna hold you in the bible black predawn”. It really says so much more than how it first appears, and invokes some pretty powerful imagery. Nice!

I know that these are pretty heavily influenced by the way I’m feeling, how I’ve felt recently, and what’s been going on in the last while, which is one of the reasons I want to think about it more before cropping the list down to five, but they’re all very cool songs regardless. I was just thinking about it, though, and I’ll be surprised if Such Great Heights makes it in the top five, but not as surprised as if some of the songs here made it… Heh.
So, list of five later on?